Blue Steel In The Hour of Chaos

Although this stuff doesn't drive me as wild as it does, say, The Biz, I'm still an aesthete at heart.

It's the Gaultier and Valentino spring summer '09 haute couture show from Paris.

When Making Assumptions Goes Wrong

This is a really interesting article on 'reforming' jihadists, but I think the concept of rehabilitating someone's faith is problematic. Can we even apply our western concept of the guilt-contrition-penance-rebirth process to something like this?

Once admitted to the center, the jihadis are put through a rigorous program of religious discussion — designed to wean them from misconceptions about what the Koran does and doesn't permit — and sessions with psychologists and sociologists. Some receive vocational training to prepare them for a "normal" life. The center is guarded by Saudi police, but it doesn't look or feel anything like a prison. TIME's Scott Macleod, who visited the center in fall 2007, says it's akin to a college campus or country club, where the detainees play Ping-Pong and sip Pepsi.

Hmm....

Ye Olde New York Subway Map

Me, Tek and BVP were just talking about when we were all hanging out in NYC last night. Can't wait to go back.

Johnny Mnemonic

Every wondered what, as Seinfeld would say, is the deal with memories?

Newly born brain cells, thousands of which are generated each day, help "time stamp" memories, according to a computer simulation by scientists at the Salk Institute for Biological Studies in La Jolla, California, and the University of Queensland in Australia. The research was published in the journal Neuron.

These cells do not record an exact, absolute date -- such as January 28, 2009 -- but instead encode memories that occur around the same time similarly. In this way, the mind knows whether a memory happened before, after or alongside something else.

Neuroscientists believe that if the same neurons are active during two events, a memory linking the two may be formed.

It's Hotter Than Ricky Roma's Hot Streak

Shaq Likes Men

Ever the prankster, Shaq has been throwing around a bit of man love after potentially ending the life of a fellow baller with a 'hard get' foul.

Caron Butler drove hard to the cup, and Shaq being the lone defender between Caron and the cup fouled him hard. To be sure there were no hard feelings between him and Caron, Shaq followed through on the foul by grabbing Caron, pulling him in close for a big hug, then kissed Caron on the top of his head.

Check the video at the link.

Warning: Eat Testicles At Your Own Risk

Timely advice that we all need to heed every now and then, but never more so than when dudes are at death's door after chowing down on some love nuggets:

The group ate raw meat and baked testes of blowfish - known in Japan as fugu - at an upscale restaurant on Monday in Tsuruoka, an old castle town 350 kilometres north of Tokyo.

They were treated at a hospital for numbness in the hands and legs and other symptoms. One of them was in a critical condition yesterday.

Next time you're in Japan, have the Sukiyaki. Speaking of baked testes (I would have spelt it 'testies' personally), how freakin' hot was it in MEL today?

It's Tricky To Pass a Bill That's Right On Time

There's a lot of Obama tat out there right now (just check eBay), but this was too good not to link to.

Almost as funny as the Indonesian dude who looks exactly like Obama.

Is It Possible To Rape An Inanimate Object?

Coz if so, call the cops up in Cairns.

Police in Australia have arrested a man accused of breaking into an adult shop and having sex with blow-up dolls, it was reported Wednesday.

The 23-year-old allegedly broke into the Laneway Adult Shop in the northen Australian city of Cairns on several occasions, having sex with a doll named "Jungle Jane," the Cairns Post reported.

It earlier quoted the store's owner saying the burglar always cleaned up after himself, but the dolls were dumped unceremoniously in an alleyway behind the store.

"He has been taking the dolls out the back and blowing them up and using the dolls and leaving them in the alley," he said. "It is totally bizarre."

Police have charged the unidentified man, believed to be from the city's Manunda suburb, with four counts of breaking and entering. They told the paper that DNA samples had been recovered from one of the dolls.

I'm just glad they kept my name out of the papers. I'm gonna beat this thing, you'll see.

Fidel Hearts Obama?

Maybe Castro really has lost his marbles, and/or is on his death bed?

"I expressed that personally I had not the least doubt of the honesty with which Obama, the 11th president since January 1, 1959, expressed his ideas, but in spite of his noble intentions there remained many questions to answer," he said.

One question, Castro said, was "how can a wasteful and consumerist system par excellence preserve the environment?"

Phew, you had me worried there for a moment, El Presidente.

No Idea's Original

The fundamental truth of this Nas song title keeps hitting home in various guises.

I've been listening to George Clinton's Computer Games LP from 1982 and it was sounding really familiar to me. At first I couldn't work out why. And no, I'm not referring to the countless hip hop tracks that have C grade singers warbling in a pseudo-Clinton tone on the hook (Snoop's various weed carriers and hangers-on are responsible for most of this, by the way).

Remember when Andre 3000 came out with Hey Ya the other year and everyone went bat shit ("Oh my god, he's so creative and unique!")? Everyone from Eminem to Jay Z were singing the praises of Dre because he was bringing 'something different' and not saying the same old cliches etc.

Well, one listen to Computer Games will disabuse you of that notion. Some of the phrasing is exactly the same. And I'm not saying this to discredit Andre 3000 (I love the dude, and met him back stage in Sydney a couple of years ago when I was touring with J and Missy - he's a real gentleman). I'm sort of coming at this from the other angle - everybody bites other people's stuff, so I wonder who in the heck George Clinton was borrowing from?

Just a thought.

It's The Diggy Diggy Doc, Yall

I Have A Dream....

... That one day we'll live in a world where the success of a newly sworn in president's inauguration ceremony will be judged not by the celebrities who turn up to sit in the front row (wearing ridiculous 'deputy dog' style head gear).

But on the real, my favourite quote from Obama's speech was, "A nation cannot prosper long when it favours only the prosperous."

Word, brother. You're really speaking to my left wing, class conscious, solidarity side. Let's see how long that lasts for.

Yes.... The Rhythm, The Rebel

This post has very little to do with Chuck D or Public Enemy (who I believe I've already listed as one of the reasons why TWNR), other than the fact that a lyric from Rebel Without A Pause off their classic It Takes A Nation of Millions To Hold Us Back album sparked an interesting thought:

"I'll throw it down your throat like Barkley."

Now, back when this song was cut, Sir Charles was swinging from rings in Philly and making a name for himself as one of the best power forwards the game of basketball has ever seen. So the lyric clearly references his ferocious dunking technique.

But in light of more recent events, it takes on a whole new light.

Just A Thought....

Now that we're hours away from Obama getting sworn in (and how about the mountains of pressure they're piling on the dude to deliver 'I have a dream,' 'nothing to fear but fear itself,' and 'ask not what your country' all in one?), I'm inclined to reflect on the genuinely uplifting sense of hope in particularly the African-American community. It's a beautiful thing. Seriously. I know I'm a cynical bastard, but this is me being sincere.

HOWEVER, I'm wondering if there's any correlation between the ascendancy of a black president and the decline of Hip Hop. Or maybe it's just a coincidence. Or maybe Hip Hop is only momentarily in decline, just like everything in this puta madre (ask a Spanish speaking friend) life is transitory and impossible to hold on to.

Maybe Hip Hop is played right now coz folks aren't scared of the 'violent, misogynistic rappers' anymore, and white america feels like it 'gets' black america ("we're all one big happy family now, after all I voted for one of your kind").

I dunno. Maybe there's no correlation whatsoever between a black president and an art form in decline.

Who The Mothafuckin' Bo$$?

I've been bumping Slim Thug's Already Platinum a lot lately, so I thought I'd throw up this nice interview with the man.

A little old (2007) but still kinda cool.

Can You Relate?

This Is Big.... This Is Very, Very Big

You might recognise the guy on the left (Jimmy Hoffa), but this post is all about the guy on the right. Frank 'The Irishman' Sheeran was a lifelong associate of organised crime and a reputed contract killer. On his deathbed he confessed to killing Jimmy Hoffa (one of the best known unsolved murders of all time).

Well..... Martin Scorsese is directing a movie about it, and De Niro is starring as the lead. Based on a book, it's called I Heard You Paint Houses.

Pic’s title refers to mob slang for contract killings, and the resulting blood splatter on walls and floors. Book was written by Charles Brandt, who befriended Sheeran shortly before the latter’s death in 2003. Among the crimes Sheeran confessed to Brandt, according to the 2004 book, was the killing and dismemberment of Hoffa, carried out on orders from mob boss Russell Bufalino.

Told you it was big.

#1 Reason Why TWNR To Smarten The Fuck Up

Even when celebrating the life and times of the late, great Christopher Wallace dudes can't snap out of knucklehead mode.

Police say four men were stabbed at a New York City nightclub advertising the "official" after-party for the film premiere of Notori-ous about rapper Biggie Smalls.

That's what we call 'stuck on stoopid.'

Breakin' & Poppin' With Carlton From Fresh Prince

You Won't Like Geeks When They're Angry

Say It Ain't So, Hugo

It seems that the Global Financial Crisis (or GFC, as those in the know will call it) has hit hard south of the border. Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez, who, for those who haven't been keeping score, is redder than an inflamed haemorrhoid (shout to Billy Birmingham), is quietly soliciting offers from Western oil companies.

But the shift also shows how the global financial crisis is hampering Mr. Chávez’s ideological agenda and demanding his pragmatic side. At stake are no less than Venezuela’s economic stability and the sustainability of his rule. With oil prices so low, the longstanding problems plaguing Petróleos de Venezuela, the national oil company that helps keep the country afloat, have become much harder to ignore.

O Hugo, how could you? What happened to your brilliant speech at the UN where you stuck it to George Dubya as only a wacky-South-American-socialist-with-visions-of-constitutional-reform-that-border-on-dictatorship can? "The Devil stood here yesterday," I believe were your words, shortly followed by, "It still smells of sulfur." We want that Hugo Chavez, the Alo Presidente TV show Chavez.

Just kidding Hugo, we've all gotta get that cash.

Is Mike D'Antoni A Homophobe?

Coz after this story surfaced about out-of-favour New York Knicks center Eddy Curry, I'm throwing the floor open for all types of speculation on why Knicks coach D'Antoni has refused to give Curry playing time.

The New York Post reported that Curry, a married father of four, "tried to solicit gay sex" from David Kuchinsky, who worked for the big man from October 2005-October 2008.

First of all, great use of the term 'big man.' Puts a whole new spin on it. Looking at the above photo, David Lee is well positioned to verify that assignation.

And yes, I could've used any one of a million other photos. But this one seemed apropos.

You Got Knocked The F**k Out

F**k Faux Irish Pubs

Now this is most definitely NOT a faux Irish pub. This is Mulligan's in Dublin, where you can get the best pint of Guinness in the whole wide world. And that's no overstatement. Me and The Biz spent many an afternoon slumped over the bar there, gooning it up with the old-timers and locals and marvelling at the one-of-a-kind way the black stuff settled in our pint glasses after it had been poured.

This is an article on how to run an Irish pub the right way, and I feel like my pals at Mulligan's would approve.

Are You Hooked On Masturbation?

That's the question posed in this high brow, sophisticated look at auto-eroticism.

"But it can be a problem if you are regularly masturbating in preference to sharing pleasure with your partner (assuming they would like to share it with you) or, if you have no partner, in preference to following up any opportunities there may be to develop relationships with other people. Then you could be said to be hooked on masturbation, addicted to it."

Don't you judge me.

Private vs. Public - Have A Guess Where My Allegiances Lie

Someone referred me to Shane Maloney's site today, where he references a speech he gave at the private, exclusive, Little Lord Fauntleroy factory that is Scotch College here in Melbourne.

Here's the speech in full:

"When I first received an inquiry about my availability to come and talk at this school, I was naturally reluctant. After all, this school has little to recommend it in the eyes of the wider community. Historically it has been simply a machine for the transmission of inherited privilege.

"It is a place where boys from middle-class backgrounds are sent to improve their material prospects and to reproduce the values of their class, or where the boys of insecure parents are sent to fulfil the distorted ambitions of their fathers.

"When I think of Scotch College, what comes immediately to mind are the values and actions of its most prominent Old Boys.

"I think of the scene I saw on television after Scotch old boy Jeff Kennett used his power and his philosophy to close down the only high school in the state specifically dedicated to the education of young Aboriginal people. How students from that school came here and stood at the gates and how your principal went out and told them to go away.

"I think of your old boy, David Kemp, the federal education minister, giving millions of dollars of public money to enhance the marketability of schools like this one - justifying his actions with statistics and arguments that he refuses to apply to the needs of the 70 per cent of Australian families who choose to educate their children in the democratic and equitable environment of government schools.

"I think, too, of the newspaper reports of the violent behaviour of some of your students - and the quick readiness with which these boys were defended and excused in the courts by their adult class allies.

"For these reasons, I was initially reluctant to come here.

"On the other hand, I thought, 'Well, all this is hardly the fault of the current crop of students.' It is not your fault, after all, that your families decided to institutionalise you. It is not your fault that your mothers and fathers elected to place you in the emotionally distorting and educationally deficient environment of an all-boys school.

"It is not your fault that your parents lacked sufficient confidence in your personal maturity and ability to respond to the opportunities offered by government school education - and Australia has one of the best systems in the world, by the way, despite the relentless propaganda to the contrary by the vested interest of the private-school lobby.

"Right now, you are the victims. Later, of course, society will be your victim, and will suffer from the attitudes with which you are indoctrinated here.

"But who knows? Just as prison does not always break the spirit of all who are incarcerated there, perhaps you will not turn out to be a burden to society.

"Perhaps when you leave here, some of you will even manage to contribute to the wellbeing of this country.

"I certainly hope so. But just to hedge my bets, I will be donating part of my fee today to the campaign for public education.

"Good luck with your studies and thanks for having me."

I can't describe how right that feels to me, and how much sense it makes.

10 Years On, MJ's Still The G.O.A.T.

I never get bored of hearing how great Michael Jordan was, primarily because it reminds everyone that neither Kobe Bryant or LeBron James are Michael Jordan.

All of Jordan's successors have had to do battle with Jordan himself, long after he retired. Going one-on-one with Jordan was nothing compared with competing with the memories of him, the moves glorified in highlight videos and even song. Unlike Kobe Bryant and LeBron James, Jordan never had to deal with the label of The Next Jordan.

I'm sure that makes him feel better now that his ex-wifey is swimming in half of his cash.

Do You Want To Hallucinate?

If so, check this out.

That is all.

Me Likey

"Gotta Leave The Table, Must Leave The Table"

This article is called 'Inside The Mind of An Autistic Savant' and it is every bit as good as it sounds.

It's an interview with the dude who attained some fame by being able to recite Pi to 22, 514 places - from memory. He followed that up with learning how to speak Icelandic. In a week.

Highlight:

But how do you visualise a number? In the same way that I visualise a giraffe?

Every number has a texture. If it is a "lumpy" number, then immediately my mind will relate it to other numbers which are lumpy - the lumpiness will tell me there is a relationship, there is a common divisor, or a pattern between the digits.

Can you give an example of a "lumpy" number?

For me, the ideal lumpy number is 37. It's like porridge. So 111, a very pretty number, which is 3 times 37, is lumpy but it is also round. It takes on the properties of both 37 and 3, which is round. It's an intuitive and visual way of doing maths and thinking about numbers.

To revise: the number 37 is lumpy, like porridge.

Bail Out So We Can Get Off

Finally, a bailout plea to the U.S. government that I can (ahem) fully get behind.

"Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation's most important businesses, (and) we feel we deserve the same consideration," Francis said in a statement.

"In difficult economic times, Americans turn to entertainment for relief. More and more, the kind of entertainment they turn to is adult entertainment."

Another killer quote:

"the 13-billion-dollar industry is in no fear of collapse, but why take chances?"

Is it wrong for me to say I know where they're coming from?

Are You Not Entertained?

Finally, there's gonna be Gladiators back in the mix.

Stressing that the fights would not be a Disneyland-like attraction, but a serious project to bring the sporting heroes of antiquity alive, Broccoli also dismissed fears that they might appear too crude.

"The gladiators themselves were vulgar. They were sweaty, they stank and they swore. Why not show them as they really were?" Broccoli said.

If I can put the fact that this dude's name is Broccoli aside, I want to go on record right now as saying I support this completely. But I'm thinking we get Russell 'Rusty' Crowe and Ninety-something Hollywood legend Kirk Douglas in there to work out who was the better silver screen gladiator.

Mickey Rourke & Bill Simmons

I've been meaning to see The Wrestler (Rourke's seemingly universally acclaimed comeback tilt - in which he retains none of the boyish charm seen above), and after reading this I'm definitely gonna go see it this weekend.

Bill Simmons, aka The Sports Guy, wrote the article for ESPN and he's just a fantastic writer/human being for a variety of reasons. But his masterful depiction of great films (and I'll extend this to include all great art) being something that only happens occasionally and accidentally because 'nobody knows anything' has elevated him to temporary God status.

But enough about Mickey Rourke's Redemption Song, let's throw in some of the bad behaviour that saw him forge the definitive Hollywood fall from grace.

Miami Beach police officer P. Socarras, who stopped the 55-year-old, described Rourke as having "a flushed face, bloodshot watery eyes, slurred speech and a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage on his breath."

Rourke apparently didn't see it that way.

"I'm not drunk," he told the officer, per the arrest report. "I didn't even drink that much."

I've tried that defense before, it rarely works.

Reason # 1 Why TWN Scots-Irish Comedians (And People In General)

I Just Found Ricky Gervais' Blog

And it's great. One of the more recent entries:

Why can't they cure the common fucking cold? They wiped smallpox off the face of the earth. Most cancers are totally treatable now. Even AIDS isn't what it used to be. Now work on the snot and the feeling slightly unwell for Christ's sake.

I've got a cold by the way.

Read about my "attack" on fat people

I heard someone on the radio once say that they were tired of the prejudice aimed at the overweight. They said something like "you're not allowed to make fun of gay people, so why are you allowed to make fun of fat people? It's the same thing."

It's not the same thing though, is it? Gay people are born that way. They didn't work at becoming gay. Fat people became fat because they would rather be that way than stop eating so much. They had to eat and eat to get fat. Then, when they were fat they had to keep up the eating to stay fat. For gayness to be the same as fatness, gay people would have to start off straight but then ween themselves onto cock. Soon they're noshing all day getting gayer and gayer. They've had more than enough cock... they're full... they're just sucking for the sake of it. Now they're overgay, and frowned upon by people who can have the occasional cock but not over indulge.

When a doctor tells me that that's how you become gay, I'll stop making jokes about fat people.


Very funny man.

Reasons # 1 - 10 Why TWNR

That's Right Yank, What Are You Gonna Do About It?

Apparently us Aussies are destroying the planet all by ourselves, and the ever eco-conscious United Statesians are all atwitter.

The head of NASA's Goddard Institute for Space Studies, Professor James Hansen, has written an open letter to Barack Obama calling for a moratorium on coal-fired power stations and the use of next-generation nuclear power.

In the letter he says: "Australia exports coal and sets atmospheric carbon dioxide goals so large
as to guarantee destruction of much of the life on the planet."

Two words: Kyoto, motherfucker (or is that technically three words?)

Reason # 74 Why TWNR

Steve Jobs Farts, Freemarket Gasps

Why the fuck is this such big news?

The dude has a hormone imbalance, people (no doubt a disagreeable side effect of the ongoing gender reassignment process he is undertaking - you heard it on TWNR first).

Maybe I should keep you all up-to-date on my benign ailments. Would that affect the market? Let's see.....

I have a dull, inconsequential throb near my groin right now. I had a hernia operation late last year and even though I fully recovered and have been lifting weights, running and playing ball all year, it does occasionally get like this.

Changing your life any? Well, stay tuned. I'll keep you posted.....

Popeye: Ripe For Commercial Exploitation In Europe Now

Another shameless wholesale jack from Slashdot:

Several readers wrote in to mention that the copyright on the image of the character Popeye expired in the EU as the year began, 70 years since the death of its creator Elzie Segar. The US will have to wait until 2024, 95 years after Segar's death. Only Popeye's image is free of trademark in the EU; the name "Popeye" is still under copyright by King Features Syndicate. Popeye made his first appearance in a comic strip in 1929 and became hugely popular in the 1930s. The Times claims that Popeye now moves $2.8B of merchandise per year. Le Monde's coverage (in Google translation) mentions the real-life people in Segar's early experience who inspired some of the Popeye cast of characters. Popeye himself was based on the prize fighter Frank "Rocky" Fiegel.

O the humanity.

Reasons # 678 & 679 Why TWNR

Great Title + Conspiracy Theory Content = Winning Post

And that's why I'm regurgitating this. The good folks at Cracked are probably a bit late with this list of tricks that businesses use to suck money out of you (given the festive season is over), but there's a sucker born every minute so it's never a bad time.

There few things more easy and profitable (and fun) than scamming drunks, so it comes as no surprise that bars have their own list of ploys. Let's look at a few of the ways you're getting cockslapped along with your cocktail.

I repeat: getting cockslapped along with your cocktail.

Lovely turn of phrase. Really. Top marks.

The Telegraph Strikes Again

So apparently, Stonehenge was a rock venue waaaay back in the day.

A university professor who is an expert in sound and a part-time DJ believes Stonehenge was created as a dance arena for listening to "trance-style" music.

Wow, an expert in 'sound' and a part-time DJ, huh?

Where does he find the time?

Sir Charles

I've posted about Charles Barkley before, and not in unflattering terms, so I beg you to take this with a grain of salt.

“You hit me, I’ll hit you, even if it doesn’t look like he’s eaten in a while,” Barkley said, oblivious to the fact that his opponent was an economics student from a war-torn third-world nation who said his favorite N.B.A. player happened to be the one, the only and the occasionally ugly Sir Charles.

The schmuck who wrote this hatchet job goes on to say what an ugly human being Charles Barkley is, but I bet he didn't write an autobiography called I May Be Wrong But I Doubt It.

So Charles wins, in my book.

The Knicks, Baby

Not a bad way to snap an 8 game losing streak, beating the World Champion Celtics. By the logic that I currently choose to run with, the fact that my team beat the reigning Champs means The Knicks are currently the best team going around.

New York won for the first time in its last five at home, and did it by hitting 9-of-22 3-pointers, including a 5-for-9 performance from Al Harrington.

Word is The Celts want Stephon Marbury, as far as I'm concerned they can have him.

www.what-the-fuck.com