May The Schwarz Be With You

Constipation (I Can't Blog)

I can't post, because my Internet provider is Optus.

Do I really need to say any more than that?

When you reach your cap halfway through the second week of the month, you're either running some kind of bootleg enterprise, have a serious porn addiction, or are stuck with one of the crappest service providers in the universe.

In my case, all three are true (just jokin' you know I love you ladies).

So I can't drop my various truth bombs on you. I'll just leave you with this:

The other day I was in the supermarket and a light dark skinned individual said to a dark dark skinned individual, "Why don't you go back to your own f*&%kin' country?!?!?"

The dark dark skinned individual, very quietly and calmly, walked up to the light dark skinned individual and gave them a solid push in the shoulder. Then they silently walked away.

I was quite happy with that response.

J Wess Tour Diary: Flo Rida September '09

J Wess was just announced as the surprise third act on the bill with Flo Rida and Jessica Mauboy, and given how integral I am to all things J Wess, I'll be along for the ride. Things kick off early September in hometown MEL, then we spread out across Oz from there.

Reason #29 Why TWNR (It's Two Cats, But I'm Calling a Tie)

LBL Cool J (Wess) & Digga

Don't Watch The Bad Bad Lieutenant

The Very Best Of Leon Black

Omagh: Some Form Of Justice

On August 15, 1998 Republican splinter group 'The Real I.R.A.' (who did not represent, in any way shape or form, popular sentiment in the Republican Catholic community who were moving toward peaceful measures) set off a bomb in Omagh that became the worst atrocity in the 30 odd years of The Troubles in Northern Ireland.

Now, a kind of justice has been achieved.

At Belfast High Court yesterday, Justice Declan Morgan awarded record damages totalling £1.6m to the relatives of six people who died in the Real IRA atrocity.

The judge found four men, Michael McKevitt, Liam Campbell, Seamus Daly and Colm Murphy, responsible for the planning, production, planting and detonation of the 500lb car bomb that ripped through the Co Tyrone town, killing 29 people — including unborn twins — on August 15, 1998.

And in a legal first anywhere in the world, he also ruled that the Real IRA dissident republican terror group was liable.

It's a bit of a concern that no criminal convictions have been handed down. I'm aware that there are more than a few voices in Ulster claiming that the powers that be had an interest in seeing to that.

A Melbourne Cat We Can All Be Proud Of

I've been listening to Daniel Merriweather's Love & War lately, and it's pretty excellent. Good to see another East MEL dude doing his thing. I found a short, but pretty on-point review of it here.

Wall To Wall Wallness

Here's a collection of stuff written on random walls.

Cool.

To Stream, Or......... Well, You Can Guess The Rest

Some folks are predicting that streaming will overtake downloading in the next year or two.

"Why do you actually need to have something downloaded on your PC? The streaming idea is really the future."

Purdham said the new fee structure will help streaming services to build up huge audiences that are attractive to advertisers, although he admits that getting people to pay for premium, ad-free streams is a huge challenge. "When the free service is so good, it's very difficult to convince people to go for the pay service," Purdham.

Hm, that sounds familiar....

Hello Dali

If you're Melbourne, and you like the original crackpot of modern art, start salivating.

Campalans is the engagingly forthright managing director of the Gala-Salvador Dali Foundation based in Dali's home town of Figueres in Catalonia in the north-east of Spain. He arrives in Melbourne next week for the opening of the National Gallery of Victoria's Winter Masterpiece show Liquid Desire, to which the foundation is providing about half the 200 Dali works on show, with the rest coming from the Dali Museum in St Petersburg, Florida.

While his works of art are certainly entertaining, I find the discussion of his politics (as regards Franco) equally interesting.

Tiananmen Square: 20 Years On

The Chinese government, on the eve of the anniversary of this iconic (at least in the West it's iconic - the current generation in China have probably never seen it) moment captured on film, are preparing to ramp up their efforts to pretend it never happened.

The Chinese government hopes it will be a non-event and it has tightened security in the capital, Beijing.

You can bet your a$$ they'll be doing more than just 'hoping.'

World Premiere - New J Wess Clip 'Anything For You' Feat. Digga & Jerson

Is This Parody, Or Just Plain $hit?

That's what I found myself wondering as I read this list of 10 rap songs (with accompanying lyrics and YouTube clip) that are supposed to help you become a better rapper. It's even got an 'honorable mention' that didn't quite make the cut. Hilarious.

Then again, any list that ranges from Bone Thugs'n'Harmony to M.I.A. is pretty cool for some reason.

Just can't quite put my finger on what that reason might be....

This Country Needs A Really Tight Orgasm

It doesn't help that the mainstream media is dismissing a possible pornography bail out as if it's a joke. NO! A man slipping on a banana is a joke! A man having a banana shoved into his rectum is a $12 billion a year Business. And a whole of a lot of tax dollars.

Where The Things Based On "Where The Wild Things Are" Are

When I was a kid, this was probably my favourite book (sometimes, around bed time, I still feel like Max, but without the crown) so you can imagine how much I'm digging this site that consists of art inspired by Maurice Sendak's classic.

Brian Wilson Singing In The Back Of a Cab

Let The Blood Run Free

Imagine some 1800s quack (who believes in Phrenology and says you're a compulsive masturbator coz of that weird little dip behind your left ear) going to town on your tummy ache with this lot.

I guess it's a pretty fine line between sadism and surgery.

Charlton Heston's Cold, Dead Hands May Be Rubbing With Glee

While some of us still pinch ourselves in disbelief that a black man was democratically elected in the US of AmeriKKKa, and others are still binging on the leftist progressive ideals that this historical presidency has reawakened, a lot of yanks are stocking up on guns.

Those lessons came back to Bredesen when he found himself confronted last week with a bill allowing people who are licensed to carry concealed weapons to bring them into bars and restaurants that serve liquor and beer. Standing before rows of law-enforcement officers that formed what he called, with the satisfied tone of a good politician, "a sea of blue," Bredesen vetoed the measure, though that veto is almost certainly going to be overridden in Nashville.

Maybe if T.I. was a white dude from Nashville he'd get a medal instead of a jail term (see yesterday's post).

A Guide To Recognising Your Fitzroyalty

Now that I've managed to work my way up out of the mean Fitzroy streets (steadfastly refusing to bring my boys with me), I can finally start trashing the poncy quasi-bohemians that populate them. I caught this funny little article in The Age today, that chose to fixate on the standard issue black frame glasses you see propped on the nose bridge of every second skinny, effeminate man with girls' jeans on Brunswick Street.

Only two types of people wear dark-rimmed spectacles: trendy corporate types and inner-city hipsters. The first usually work "in finance" and team their specs with charcoal suits and cashmere scarves. The second are a more complex breed. Males are identified by their beards, vintage T-shirts and khaki canvas knapsacks. Often, they can be seen reading dog-eared paperbacks in bars where all the furniture is second-hand and upholstered in green vinyl.

Not bad, and not too far off the truth. But the dude who wrote the article comes off sounding like he's probably rocking a pair of black frames himself.

Reason # 41 Why TWNR

I just wanted to take a moment to appreciate Tip's sense of humour as he embarks on his jail sentence for gun-possession-related-fuckery (what's the world coming to when a rapper can't buy a massive amount of firearms?). In this article right here he responds to the question, "What scares you?" by saying, "Federal court dates."

First of all, excellent question to ask anyone, but especially a rapper. And I got to give it to T.I. for not making the obvious choice (sodomy in the showers).

Personally, I think 'King' is his best album, so that's why I posted the cover art from same.

Go get it if you don't have it.

The Quickest Way To Get Drunk

2009 NBA Finals: Can The Lakers Stop Dwight?

Now that the dust has settled on the Eastern Conference Finals (boo hoo, no LeBron v Kobe, despite David Stern's best efforts), I'm really embracing the Magic as the most likable underdog in recent memory. And it's interesting to consider how the Lakers might try to handle Superman.

Gasol stressed the matchup with Howard will be as much about what the Lakers can make the Orlando center do on defense as about L.A.’s ability to defend him.

“What Cleveland didn’t have, I think, is an inside presence that could put them in jeopardy and give (the Cavs) that balance,” Gasol said. “They didn’t have that balance of an inside and outside game. We do have that, and I think we will be a tougher matchup.

As a former half-decent baller myself, I can confirm that having a massive, talented big man (as opposed to a flat footed 7 footer who got talked into playing when they were 14) is a HUGE piece of the winning puzzle. But at the NBA Finals level, where no matter how dominant you are the other team will figure you out over 7 games, I think it's going to be about who steps up to support Dwight. My money's on Rashard Lewis, who has emerged as an amazing clutch player.

There's also a possiblity that injured All-Star guard Jameer Nelson will come back and provide an extra punch for The Magic, but would that do more harm than good at this stage?