EPL Wrap INCLUDING Arsenal !!!

Arsenal lost. To Fulham. Get over it.

Chelsea pushed through a 1-0 victory over Wigan after smacking Portsmouth last week. Deco looks pretty good, but they still should've gone on with it after his 5th minute goal.

Man U beat Portsmouth, but they won ugly. Darren Fletcher? Come on, get real.

Newcastle win 1-0 over Bolton thanks to Michael 'Pugsley' Owen popping up to score one of those goals that he scores just often enough to keep getting big money contracts at huge clubs.

Liverpool get out of jail thanks to Steven Gerrard for the 1, 458, 943rd time. They were down 1-0 to Middlesborough. Kuyt equalised, then Gerrard scored in the 92nd minute, or something ridiculous like that. But hey, it's what he does.

Stoke beats Aston Villa (who actually don't suck anymore, despite this result). See it as a hugely positive sign for Stoke rather than shit cookies for Villa.

Sunderland 2-1 Tottenham. Yuk yuk yuk. Roy Keane's doing masterfully in charge of the Black Cats, Tottenham have got absolutely nothing and are dicking around, relegating their best player to the reserves, lest his presence 'unsettles' the first team while Man U chase his signature. Outstanding. They'll be a settled bunch of losers.

Everton beat newly promoted yo-yo team West Brom 2-1. Until Tim Cahill's back, who cares?

Blackburn 1-1 Hull. Great result for Hull, I guess. Don't really know, don't really give a shit. As above, with Brett Emerton replacing Tim Cahill.

Man City smack West Ham 3-0. Poor West Ham, they really do have delusions of mid table consistency.

So there you have it. In theory, my one and only EPL wrap. From next week on, The Biz (and insanity) prevails...